What are your first thoughts when you hear the words ‘peace’ or ‘pleasure’? For some, the words may be associated with each other even possibly used interchangeably, but in reality, there is a very distinct difference as observed by Jay Shetty.
Just like exercise, we can only put ourselves through temporary discomfort if we find some sort of enjoyment in it. Once the initial annoyance of having to put effort into something new has passed, the mind and body don’t forget about the benefits, they want more. This is when a good habit and lifestyle change becomes effortless and consistent.
Mental health is inextricably linked to physical health. But, is a mental wellness routine more challenging to take up than a physical fitness routine?
I would say yes. First, making space to sit with yourself is hard. The mind will make up all sorts of excuses as to not have to sit there with itself. When you arrive in that comfortable sitting position and focus on your breath, your mind will do whatever it can to distract you from a bit of mind silence.
Why is this? Peace makes the protective part of our personality paranoid; it can’t worry about anything if it is focusing on the breath. Worry, plotting, ruminating on the past is what it is designed to do and likes to do. How do we work with this part of our personality to encourage it to enjoy sitting and just being?
I didn’t like meditation apps and guided meditations when I first started out. I don’t like being told what to do (something I had to work on!) also that annoying calm, tranquil narrator got my back up. I was getting annoyed that she was calm and I wasn't, it felt like she was mocking me. I also liked watching my thoughts unravel, to see where they would go and observe the associations that would present itself. I always found the mind fun and wanted to explore it. I went to a temple in London to learn from monks, but they told me to meditate with my eyes open and focus on something to stare at, I didn’t like that either.
Eventually I found something that I enjoyed, Vedic Meditation. Twenty minutes in the morning and 20 minutes in the evening. You focus on a word. When I was learning the technique, the teacher told me all the tangible benefits for brain health and why it's good not to let your mind travel off. He was a lawyer by day and meditation teacher on the weekend. I relate best to people who are curious, expansive but also practical and logical. I found something that worked perfectly for my personality and I saw massive benefits quickly.
Finding a mental wellness routine is like going shopping, you need to try a load of coats on before finding the best fit. Whether it’s breath practice, mindfulness, meditation or sound baths have fun window shopping before you develop your routine.
If you are just starting out, here are 5 ways to get the protective personality onboard to make sitting still and breathing fun.
If you want someone to do something there’s two tactics. One, tell them the benefits and two, we will go into this in the next point.
We are always going to have resistance when doing something new even if we really want to do it. New = The Unknown; something the protective personality does not like. Whenever you see resistance, lean in. The protective part of the personality will get this burst of excited energy. It will want to do this thing over and over again as it feels empowered by getting over something that it felt challenged by. Tell yourself why you want to do and what you are going to get out of it
Try this on for size, ‘If I don’t learn how to create calm and space in my mind, then I am always going to be overwhelmed by emotions. I will always play small, I won’t be able to develop mental resilience to enjoy the challenges that exciting opportunities might bring.’
Tell yourself if you don’t take action, what you're going to miss out on. All types of ‘Mindwork’ are achieving the same goal. If the mind wanders, you catch yourself then bring your focus back at will. As a natural result of this effort, you will start to let go of thoughts that plague your mind. You begin not to give energy to them so they lose their direct effect. The more you think about something the more you give energy to it. We are always going to experience negative thoughts but we can choose to let them pass. Meditation and breath practice are all about keeping a balanced mind and when we don’t give energy to something that is negative, we can level up the calm space.
Instead of listening to the story the protective part of your personality is believing give yourself a new one.
‘Meditation is for hippies. Meditation isn’t for someone like me. I’m happy with my mind’ Start telling your ego a new story. Here’s one I have written for you.
'Meditation and breath practice is the latest thing to do. The most successful entrepreneurs have a focused thought practice in their daily routine. If I learn to develop a mental wellness practice, I will be able to do more, achieve more and have the confidence to expand my comfort zone'.
Yoga brought to my attention that behind the eyes lives a space of unlimited possibilities, strengths, potential and excellence. There should be nothing more interesting to you than yourself. Learning to meditate is the mode of transport to take the most epic adventure, which is living your life how you want to, without limits. Close your eyes, take a breath and enjoy a ride that is only for you to take.
So, eventually you will have to confront thoughts and feelings that you have pushed to the back of the mind. The mind has done such a great job at hiding things that even itself has forgotten about them, it has no idea about what could be lurking in there. Bringing up the past means re-experiencing pain to the protective personality. But bringing up emotions and memories also means mental balance. The unconscious mind is the body and the body is holding on to all the emotional and mental energy which contributes to the mind feeling imbalanced. Working with the breath and the body helps the mind to let go. Developing a consistent mental wellness practice builds up the mental resilience to let go of the unknown, it’s not as scary as it sounds, it becomes all part of the fun.
Start off slow, small and then build it up. Remember we find meditation in different things, it could be music, baking, gardening or even driving! Whatever allows you to feel in flow, where you're not thinking and time passes in a flash, do more of that. It has the same medicinal qualities as meditation.
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